it gets everywhere

God is really good!! Let me start of by saying that. 

I'm messy. Yeah. I said it. I'm messy and way more sinful than I ever thought. There's nothing pretty about me....apart from Christ. In all honesty though, prior to this season, I knew I was sinful, but I never thought it was THAT bad. You know.... as if my scale of sinfulness compared to others, would've been acceptable. I had most everything together. And what I didn't have together, wasn't as bad as what others didn't have together. 

That's until this year began. All throughout this year I've seen more sinful ways about myself than I even thought was possible. My sin runs soo SOOO deep, and it gets everywhere. There is no SIN that is localized, no sin that doesn't eventually affect other areas of your life.

I definitely identify with Paul in Romans 7 when he describes the wresting between the Spirit and the flesh. The things he doesn't want to do, he ends up doing, and the things he wants to do, he doesn't do.  I know I've mentioned it here before, but my struggle with fear and double-mindedness is against the will of God. It makes me respond incorrectly when trials come my way, it prevents me from testing what is that "good, perfect, acceptable will of God"(Rom 12:2). It ruins me and it deeply affects those closest to me. I hate it. I literally hate it. I have to be reminded that when I see myself responding in fear, or becoming  slave to my emotions, I need to FIRST repent to God. I need to recognize that before my sin hurts anyone else, it's in direct opposition to the Lord. 

Thankfully, though- It doesn't end there.
The good news is that while I've been reminded of all my sticky, repulsive, and ungodly patterns of thinking and responding, I've also been able to better understand the amazing, all encapsulating, all forgiving, powerful, and beautiful  love of Jesus. I truly truly understand so much more just how much I do NOT deserve His love( in any capacity) yet the fact that He calls me His own is truly amazing.

God knows my weaknesses and my sin struggles, yet He still looks upon me with eyes of love in Christ. Thank you Jesus. Thank You Jesus! He gives us hope that He will make us more and more like Christ. He changes us from glory to glory into His image. 

So, if you've been in a season where your sin has been extremely apparent to you, instead of constantly beating yourself up, turn your eyes upon Jesus. Remind yourself of the gospel, and run full speed into His grace and His arms. There's refuge, there's love, and there's hope for a day when we will be perfected into His image. Keep fighting the good fight of faith.

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to compelteion at the day ofJesus Christ -Php 1:6


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